Not Always What You Expect

If this weekend would have been themed, it's exactly that. I made the mistake of assuming things, something I rarely am ever spot-on about, and I should just stop the practice. When it comes to people, to events, to things around me, I rarely ever make assumptions, but when it comes to my personal life I am guilty of making far too many.

I am a little embarrassed to admit that I wanted to offer H a weekend, her last free one before school started, whatever enjoyment and indulgence she saw fit to squeeze into her already narrow schedule and yet somehow balance that with private and intimate quiet solitude at home enjoying movies, music, etc. Again, a little absurd to think somehow both would happen. Don't get me wrong, it was still an exciting weekend and I met new people and made new connections with people in the art community.

I don't much want to go into detail about what we did, suffice to say, it was unique. On some level I feel I wasn't uninhibited enough, and maybe was a source of some dour on what should have been fun. Admittedly, I made some bad choices in mixing liquor, red wine, and beer in a hodge podge fashion on top of being sick, and medicated. Stupid, actually. Maybe H could have enjoyed herself more if I had stayed home? Not sure... but I feel like something is lingering from Saturday night. Don't ask me to define or explain it... it's a feeling. A questioning or doubt possibly. I am dwelling on it inexcusably and it's causing me anxiety, but I need to busy myself with things I should be doing for myself right now.

I have been utterly lethargic since Saturday night. I did next to nothing Sunday and today, my body simply isn't having any of it. Managed to see Tonya's amazing collection of art at Pom Poms, I am completely mesmerized by boxed art, and she hits all the right melancholy, Victorian corners of my heart. Very impressive. There is so much incredible talent in this town, I wonder if it's true for every city across this country, and I wonder if those cities are blessed to have such a wealth of venues like Orlando has to embrace and support local art? Beneath the Disney, the sports, the theme parks, there is an amazing undercurrent of artistry in all mediums... I feel blessed to be here and to be involved in that scene. Even more blessed when I think of the people that are in my life because of it... namely this wonderful person I find myself in love with. Where would I be without my love for art?