In lieu of understanding, the post-event, or post-chaos perspective that many offer is that... "Everything happens for a reason." So and so was here; so and so asked the right question; or such and such aligned with such and such. This mire of fate has reached fever pitches in my recent weeks... uttered in ad nauseam. In 90% of life's moments where we exert free-will and things go according to expectation, we relegate fate to the junk drawer, and balk at the idea that some unseen force guides every nuance of every moment, or everyone and everything on Earth. This seemingly omnipotent force, destroying with will; snuffing life from those who've barely experienced life; incinerating complacency with such ferocity that those in its wake can barely remember normalcy - we give it dominion over the moments that strike from shadows and alter our course of life forever, without much rhyme or reason. Fate plucks a few people from their infallible routine, and gives them some task; or some moment; or some loss that is greater than the sum of their entire life to rationalize and silo.
I cannot accept this anymore. Our lives collide with one another in random patterns, and maybe there is infinite universes where every decision we make results in two paths (two universes); scientifically, maybe that's practical, but my brain tells me that it's too much power for one brain to be given. And if I am churning out universes by making the decision to blog today, then what value does this alternate universe have other than one has a blog post about fate, and one doesn't? What is the greater purpose of that? "It's too complex to understand... God and stuff." If my brain is tossing out ten thousand universes a day, some with a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, and some without, should we start evaluating if there's a soul, and what is it... surely if I can manifest alternate realities with every decision, I can manifest a soul, and maybe manifest fate, and put words out into a universe and expect something to be reciprocated. No. It's God's will, it's fate, everything happens for a reason...
If someone has a break with reality and enters into a mental health crisis, and I was the one who paid attention to this person as it happened only means that someone I care about is mentally unwell, and I love them enough to listen to them when they speak and can evaluate when it's outside their normal scope. Another loved one being here on vacation is fortunate, not fortune. I'm not able to accept that fate or the universe put all of us here, and moved others away at the exact moment that someone who's been on a path (that we didn't pick up on for months), finally broke. No. Reality tells me that the circumstance of her spouse being out of town, and the rest of us having dinner together gave her enough breadth to feel safe to release bottled up emotions that resulted in a catastrophic collapse of reality.
These are the types of events that devastate families everyday. A Christian would tell me that these are tests of faith; and I can't think of anything more cruel. Someone else would tell me this is the universe or fate, or life's predestination... and to which I'd ask, why should any of us intervene in our own lives if we are carried by a linear wave from birth to death? If life is just some fucked-up funhouse ride full of surprises, thanks, but no thanks. Did our family member in crisis endure 18 years of abuse, so that we could meet her brother in the fallout of this event; or learn something about mental health; or learn something about ourselves? No. Our family member endured 18 years of abuse because people are capable of immense cruelty, and she did not have the resources or tools to escape the abuse. It has nothing to do with me, or us, or fate, or time, or God... it has everything to do with each of us trying to navigate a life that is full of random events; we build upon those experiences; and we respond to those instances and then we're dead. The omnipotence that descends upon us; ripping and tearing at our firm grasp on complacency; is random, unbalanced, and unfair... it does not care how old, how young, how easy or how hard your life has been; does not care how rich or poor you are... call it what you will. If it gives you peace to believe that heaven awaits those who accept this chaos as the will of a chess master, or you find placement in the structure of a universe that is dependent upon each and everyone one of us building upon it with mere thoughts; or resolve that the mysterious force of fate is constantly pulling threads to intersect moments into a cohesive narrative... then so be it.
My point being... its not profound how we got here. What answer do you hope to receive from forces unseen? We answer on behalf of these magnificent forces... filling in blanks to explain why the pain and confusion we feel has some deeper meaning. What value is there in patterning some design to such a painful time in our lives? I guess for some, it excuses us from thinking that tragedy can befall us all; and nothing is of permanence. If I am wrong, I guess Hell or purgatory awaits me, and its an eternity, and I wonder if accepting unseen puppeteers is how I wish to spend whatever life I have left? As days go by, loss after loss, good and bad - I feel less inclined to quiet logic, and I feel many others move closer to their omnipotent overlords in their later days. I've grown tired of hearing about fate; and how it's fastened into a tool to break hearts and to justify the most painful of events; boxing chaos into segmented events interspersed with normalcy along our line of life. That test fails our responsibility to one another and to ourselves.
