I don't know if weird is the correct summation of this week, but it's probably the word I would use to describe this week if it happened to someone else... like me; that's probably important to note. Weirdly appropriate... too? Look at me breaking structure rules.
It's Friday, the minutes slipping off the hour at a pace I would compare to dropping a feather from a 40-story building. Using any sort of specificity in this post would be ill-advised, but I'd rather write while I feel like it, even if it's at the expense of understanding later. At this very moment, my cat is only now within feet of me, so I may be on the path of forgiveness. We did watch 2 hours of Bird TV today, that, and "the special" food, we may be friends again by nightfall. This is not a travel cat, or, if she was, that is now broken after several trips to the vet and a visit with mom that went sideways. Blixa had me play "I Hate My Sister" by Juliana Hatfield at least 7 times in a row in the car.
But seriously, "why was your week weird?"
Do you know how when someone is a stranger and all that you know about them is that they have an intoxicating laugh and a good sense of humor, "Germany-something", and they are related to the family... but you invade on their space anyway. "Sought out" is a little misleading, I think. "Threw caution out"... I'd lean into that probably. Why would I do that? Those rare impulsive instances that arrive without much notice, and are so foreign, that they are attacked by the white blood cells, but not before that first email leaves your fingers.
Meeting someone that would validate my autism ideas was not on my radar. I'm still sort of processing what she said, and questioning what happens when I know. I have this idea that any therapist I'd eventually see would need to know this; and I'm guessing at best that I am on the spectrum. A lot lines up, but I'm fully capable of chasing ghosts. I'm not fully sure what to do with this; it just is present now. It's enjoyable, it's rewarding, it's attention, but it seems frail, and I shouldn't drive the car.
With the recent past, I have no idea what it is. Three or four words a week but we're still close? We are still needing different things; and maybe this is just a wall I shouldn't try to climb, maybe I should just turn around? It's fucking painful, that's really all I know.
Work is fully abnormal, aside from finding a fellow weirdo. I have to be in the office once every other week now; a reality that sort of just crashed in through the front door of this cat condo without warning. Maybe this new interaction is my coping mechanism? Raises are finally on a horizon, and not soon enough. The bad people came knocking and they want their money. I feel like I'm 20 again and falling through every crack I can find. It's difficult to not think about how it took two incomes to tread water. Maybe if we didn't have debt, or cars, or phones - we would have managed to get ahead, but we did have those "luxuries" and I guess reality really sets in when the income becomes one.
This post didn't turn into the fluid recollection I thought it would be.
