Untitled & Unfinished

Put my head to the ground
I am black with disease
I will not make a sound
save the shattering of my knees

I am rattling this cage
In search of a heart
Failures from pen to page
before I fall apart

Scars run like lay lines
with notations of the cost
cataloging crimes
and the congregation lost

These corners drawing near
I seek the words for prayer
with limbs mired in fear
and my tongue stripped bare

Watched myself for hours
and withered away all hope
Wreathed tragedies into flowers
and fashioned a rope

Betrayed all that was self
and poisoned tomorrow
Gathered all my wealth
and my treasure was borrowed

Endearingly collected your keys
and forged an idiot's crown
Reigned with liars and thieves
Concerted wisdom to tear us down

Blanched and bleached form
Articulated with amber cranes and Aries' spit
Intellect abrasive and worn
Faculties inflamed 'neath eyes barely lit

Thoughts recall the breaking of much greater men
For whom, life offered no solace or graces
Shall I forgive this kingdom and accept the sin
or retreat into the mind's untethered spaces

An animated form with no self
no want, no worth, no soul
Brittle with coal-like health
awash in the failures of my human role.

Get in line with the rest of the World.

Being one of those people that is expected to go to a building and do a job for the past two months, I thought... rather naively, that the sacrifice non-medical essential employees were making was in essence, extending a fallen tree across a great, dark chasm... forming a bridge to safety. On the other end, when the world was normal, we had a path to reunite.

It seems however, all I've done, and many many more just like me, is put ourselves at risk, our families at risk, day after day while others could do what they from their homes. Someone made that choice for all of us. But we didn't build a bridge. We were, it feels, maybe the guinea pigs? Maybe the sacrificial lambs thrown at the virus to knock down it's momentum and keep the economy going? Where did all these people who propped up the bones of the Earth (America specifically) bring us to? A new reality where possibly 1 in 200 Americans will die for... trying to be normal (4 Months Ago Normal).

If you had told me on March 1 - "get us over this hump and on the other side, people are still going to die", I would not have prioritized my job over my family. There seems to be no honor, or reason or sense to what we've done. People all over the world, in all times, have lived with Death's shadow. My white, Heterosexual American privilege has granted me authority over Death (for the most part), allowing me to destroy my body at my own speed.

I thought I challenged Death to get us some where. I believed it was the safety of the greater populous. I thought my reality would be like it is today - driving empty roads to an empty building and turning on a few lights, printing a few hundred payrolls until we got the all clear.

I'm ranting, sorry - it just seems so pointless. People working fast-food, grocery stores, city staff, etc. .. many without hazard pay, almost none of them had a voice or a reasonable choice in the matter, so many have died... and we are opening the doors now and thank you very much; sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how the families of someone who died driving a bus, or checking out groceries must feel. Am I wrong in thinking those who have died as essential employees deserve a little more than a thank you? Are the cashiers of the world, the new world soldier? I can't believe anyone has such a lack of awareness that they can demand businesses reopen? Where is your soul or conscience? Can we trade out your loved ones for those that have died so you can reopen?

Trump exposed the levels of hate and bigotry in our society. C-19 has exposed the levels at which we will go for money.