Finally...

Haven't slept well at all; barely eaten anything; can't focus at work; and have just a general feeling of being numb. If I could even rationalize my feelings, I wouldn't know where to go from there. It makes me sick and depressed, and the void is deafening. No text asking about my day, no smile, it's just a big hole and nothing to fill it with.

Plans I made last week to meet up with a friend tonight, seemed like a bad idea, but I wanted to catch up with her, and touch base before she started school again. Stephanie met me at Drunken Monkey and we grabbed our snacks and coffee and unloaded. Even though our introduction was through an online dating site, we didn't connect in any kind of romantic way, we did manage to become friends and have had intelligent and honest conversations since. She doesn't pull punches which I appreciate. Just hearing what someone else was doing with their life was somehow therapeutic, and dissipated my malaise. I was relatively vague in the acts, but quite descriptive in my feelings, and though she offered no epiphanies, she did listen intently. That, and the cd I made for Bethy Williams earlier this year was enough to drag me from my shell.

Not sure if I will sleep tonight; not sure what to expect tomorrow; but right now, I have some clarity. The void is there, it does hurt, and all I can think about are the movies that won't be shared; the concerts that won't be shared; and the experiences we never even had time to imagine. My dad has told me since I was a child, "Everything happens for a reason, son...", and even though I can't imagine what they might be at the moment, I know he is right.