Oh effff

It's been a great while since I posted. I devoted a lot of time to ronmarrs.com,only to let that domain expire. Oh well, later date I suppose. There's been quite a bit going on, but unfortunately, I cannot delve into that here. At least my close friends know what's going on, and I have to leave it at that. I will however talk about what I can talk about...

Where to start? The last concert I went to was Zola Jesus. I took a friend, and we had a great time. I had completely underestimated the power of Nika Roza Danilova's voice. It was a sonic wall in The Social, bringing everyone in and tearing them apart simultaneously. Who out of the entire venue got a Zola Jesus hug, my friend of course! She's truly magnetic. If you ever see that the band is coming to town, don't hesitate to go, you will not be disappointed. And I assure you, what lies ahead for Zola Jesus is bigger things, so seeing them in a small venue will be a thing of the past before you know it.

Completely missed out on Record Store Day. Partly because I was emotionally wrecked, partly because of money. There were only a handful of things I had my eye on anyway - so not a great loss.Maybe I will cross paths with them somewhere down the line.

Personally, I can count good days on one hand, wrecked days on two hands, and lonely days on a dozen or so hands. I definitely have friends, but none that I can call up anytime and say, "Feeling down, need company, help." One particular friend, I've opened up to quite a bit and put my heart squarely in the middle of the dinner table for. Reckless, but anyone that knows me - in matters of the heart, that's how I roll. As much as I would love this friend to reciprocate that sharing, it isn't happening. I'm on demand, they are anything but. That's not to say this person doesn't care, it's just a complicated situation that I don't foresee ever changing. It's heart-breaking. Back to my coping mechanisms. So far, that's consisted of copious amounts of wine and rum. I'm turning into my ex-wife's friend, Rob. I should perhaps just adopt the Hunter S. Thompson persona and live life on the fringe. I have met someone I am keenly interested in, but she is extremely cautious and rightfully so. She's beautiful, intelligent, and focused, and quite unlike anyone I have dated or wanted to date in the past. She is also divorced, and has a 5 yr. old son. Kids are something that I have discussed with people a lot lately, and it's definitely not something that scares me. I am completely open to the idea.

There has been a lot of tension with a few individuals. One is an abusive asshole who I'd like nothing better than to disappear. He has a 'magical' hold on someone I care about, but he's a worthless individual. No amount of coaxing, rationalizing, explaining, calming, fixing, is enough to help my friend see the relationship for what it is, so unfortunately there's little I can do but watch and be hurt. The other person is a co-worker. A nosey motherfucker who needs to know everyone's business, but is extremely abrasive, selfish, thoughtless, and self-righteous. We don't get along, we both understand and agree we don't get along - but repeatedly he tries to make sense of it and want the same level of respect and trust I have with people I like working with. Again - there's no convincing this person that change isn't going to happen. So, I am fed up with being alone at home (especially on weekends), and I am easily fed up at work... not finding much escape.

I have somewhere to be shortly, so I am going to close here. Will write more this evening...