End Of The Line

 Here I am, on my fourth day of unemployment, and I feel like I've been pushed off a cliff - a fall I survived, but I am in no condition to climb out of. I was fully aware that the arrival of 2021 wasn't likely to be a gateway to something greater; I was fully expecting the end of my career, but I wasn't prepared for more abuse or betrayal. 

I found out on the 14th that the 22nd was going to be my end. Mind you, I had been inquiring all the way back in November what was happening and when. In the standard, careless act of indifference, the message was presented to me in a one-line email from the woman that had hired me for the position. I used my "week" to apply for the one position I could find that I think I had the skillset for, and might mean I could keep my rate of pay. Thankfully, the hiring manager for that position granted me an hour-long interview on my final day. It went okay, maybe a 5 out of 10, I am supposed to learn this week if I made it to Round 2 of the interview process. Logistically, it seems very unlikely that my former employer would be open in allowing me to pursue that path. First: as of this past Monday, I am a former employee, and I will be receiving a payout of my vacation time. If I did get "rehired", what happens to that? Do I pay back 200 hours of vacation, or do I simply have no vacation time? What if I quit before I earned another 200 hours of vacation, the employer certainly is not going to be okay with losing that money. How would they get it back? Second: I'm collecting severance. That, too, would need to be paid back. So, how long would I work without any income? That's a complication no one wants to deal with. Third: Learning curve. When it suits the employer, nothing is too great a task or difficulty, but when it benefits the employee, it's a detriment and counts against you. Despite proving myself a success in learning an entirely new skillset over the past five months, I guess, that was a fluke?!  In addition to the position I did apply for, there was supposed to be an effort between my hiring manager and the manager of another department to find me a suitable role. This dialogue, "supposedly" went on for weeks, but as of this writing, I have not heard word one from that department manager. More lies? More indifference? It feels, at the very least, like more of the same.

With all of that said, I am thankful. I could have been out of work mid-August, and looking at my severance to run out in early November. As it is - I remained employed through Christmas, into January and my 401k is untouched, and my severance will keep me covered until mid-April. I plan to go on COBRA, so at the very least if I get sick, I can get help. I just now have the monumental task of figuring out how to make $60K+ per year walking in the door somewhere, when jobs are so scarce and there's a pandemic. Employers have all the power at the moment and can afford to be selective.

I really don't know what's next. Aside from going to Florida for funerals, and the power outage resulting from Hurricane Zeta - I haven't had a vacation in nearly a year. I floated with maxed out vacation time for nine months; first because we were in a pandemic and I was an essential employee, and then because it was part of the agreement I made to take the temporary position, and mostly because I wanted the maximum payout of my time on my final check. But again, here I am, now four days down - and I've done little more than buy the rarest of king cakes and be a chauffer. Should I find a $15/hour job and keep making money while I get severance? Should I just actively look until I find something and hopefully do so before the end of severance, and if not, rely on unemployment? I just don't know. It seems like some money is better than no money - but wouldn't I also risk jeopardizing what I could make on unemployment if I take a low paying job? 

Listening to: Mike Lindell Bury Himself on Anderson Cooper 360